Nostalgia

Its been a while since I put down my thoughts here! It was a wonderful Sunday. Meeting all my relatives at this engagement function I went along with my son and Hubby was a good feeling. Then in the afternoon spending time with my very dear Aunt and Uncle brought me all the sweet memories back from my initial days at Bangalore. When I joined for my job right after college I stayed with them. They helped me settle in Bangalore quickly and I never missed home. When my wedding was fixed, it was my Aunt and Uncle more than my parents who stood besides me in every step and been there every day to support me. When Adi was born we spent his initial days at their home....My Aunt had moist eyes today as I left back for Home! We both miss those good old days. She has been an inspiration in many ways and wish I spend more time with them!

Hello Santa

Dear Santa, It was fun meeting you. Felt like a kid at the candy store. The elve is happy to know Santa is a true friend. Lets golf and fish some time soon and meet the boss at the country club. Hope to meet you today at Duke's estate :)

Funny Mummy

Some of my favourite shows on TV are the makeover shows. And I love the before and after shots that they show. Be it 'Monster House' or 'What not to wear'...I love the dramatics and the transformations they show. I wished and hoped to have a make over of myself.

I was at the parlour this weekend and I saw a new recruit who was quite enthu in whatever she was doing. I asked her what will be a good hair cut for me and she suggested something and also said it costed a 175 bucks (oh my). I got adventurous and said ok. She did a really good job and I was impressed with the results. Another lady waiting for her turn got quite impressed with her work and started asking for a hair cut for herself. I was soooo happy with the change that I could see a bounce in my step when I getting back home.

I was waiting for father and son duo to get back home and like a kid at candy store eagerly answered the door bell. My son enters and he doesn't notice a thing. I was heartbroken ..but remained hopeful and asked him how was amma looking, he still dint see a thing and said I was fine. I was upset and asked him how he liked my hair. He then started laughing so lound I dint know what to make out and Mahesha enters home and joins him in his laughter. By then I was too angry and dint know to laugh or cry with them and demanded an explanation.

The reply ..."funny mummy looks very young". Now what should I make of such a comment?? To add insult to injury a longtime friend did not recognise me when I met her the next day. With broken heart and the parlour setting gone..I am back to being my old self...I asked aadi if he like me better this way or funny mummy....You can guess the answer.

Can you hear a heart breaking :(

Jatayu and Siddhartha

When I came to know the story of Buddha in high school, I was surprised that he was a person who was never exposed to life's hardships and pain. My first lesson on sacrifice was from Ramayana. Jatayu is my favourite character. I loved the fact that the bird was brave and fought the much feared demon king Ravana. Did everything to his best of abilities to stop him from taking away Sita. Not afraid to sacrifice his own life to protect the divine lady.

I want to visit Lepakshi, where I believe Rama saw the wounded bird who helped trace his wife in the southern side. Ramayana is filled with such inspiring characters.. the squirrel who helped Rama in building the bridge, the bear who helped devise the war strategy, the monkey who helped in saving Rama's brother life. I can go on and on. Valmiki was a great writer and my mom a great story teller.

Wonder if Siddhartha's mom read him the Ramayana...

யானை நாராயணன்

யானை நாராயணன் ...Elephant God. This is one of my favourite stories from school. I think this was told by Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. I am not too sure.

A guru was preaching to his disciples about how paramathma (God) lives in all Jeevans (Living things). Why we should respect all lives and how every life is important in this world. One of his disciples took it it to his heart and was trying his best to do everything possible to respect all living things.

One day the elephant in the hermitage had become wild and was running all over the place and trampling anything that came in its way. One of the disciples sitting on the elephant tried hard to control but in vain. So he started screaming, asking people to stay away from the elephant. Soon everyone, except one disciple, spread out and took shelter on nearby trees.

The elephant gave that love disciple a hard kick and moved on. Later the elephant was brought under control and everyone was curious to know why that one person dint take any shelter. The guru asked him why and pat came the reply. All jeevans have god and I trusted the யானை நாராயணன் - elephant god, will not hurt the நாராயணன் (god) in me.

The guru had a hearty laugh and said. Why dint you listen to the நாராயணன் (God) sitting on top and yelling to get away from the யானை நாராயணன் (elephant god).

I keep remembering this story often. Esp when people say all that happens is for good. Did I miss the other god who kept warning me when I stood stupidly facing the யானை நாராயணன்....

Hobby Time

I decided to try something to keep my mind away from the everyday stuff. I had bought lot of chart papers a year back, thinking it may be useful during brainstorming sessions at LeafSol. Since they were lying unused I decided to splash some colours on them. I pulled out the permanent marks, aadi's water colours and started scribbling. It took a good amount of time away from the mundane stuff and I was thoroughly enjoying. By 4 pm aadi came back from school and he wanted to participate as well. Since this was my first, after several years, I didn't have the heart to let aadi splash his colours on my canvas (he he hee).

I gave him the other half of the chart I had cut and he started to unfold his creativity. Being the lazy bum he is, he quickly wanted me to pitch in and complete for him. I was all determined not to do it and so both of us couldn't finish out work yesterday. We agreed to continue it today and hopefully we will have something to start filling.

This is something Aadi did with crayon in his drawing class...

The story of a 25 paise coin

Little Aadi had a science project. He went to the nearby kirana shop and got some Raggi seeds. Picked up an empty Srikand cup and filled it with mud to plant the seeds. As he gathered mud he discovered an unrecognisable coin. He put it aside as if it was some junk and went on to complete his science project. Watered his Raggi seeds and left it in the balcony so that nature can take care of rest.

His mom picked up the strange looking piece this morning and cleaned it with some water and soap and found it to be a 25p coin minted in 1988. 20 years of life only to end up in the mud with no one to bother.

She was wondering what is the story of this one?

TWENTY years back I came out shining and proud along with my brothers & sisters from the mints of RBI. I was all set to be part of the great Indian economy. Soon I realised there were shinier cousins made from steel and many were fascinated by. But I was still proud to be part of the growing Indian Economy.

I started changing hands from the Bank into the common mans hand. I went on several bus rides. Saw new pair of hands at the pan shops. Kids used me to buy mints, chalks and other fancy stuff. Soon I lost count on how many hands I changed but I kept rolling. Once in a while I ended up in a house wife change box or a kids piggy bank, where I met my siblings and cousins and shared interesting stories we had. How we had I had jumped off once to see world on my own, but a pair of hands soon grabbed me. I heard amazing stories from each one of them.

Once in a while I also met the biggies like 10 rupees and 20 rupees. The best was when I landed in the Tirupati Hundi. I met the humble 5 paise coin there and also the great Don - 1000 rupees note. I wonder how it feels to be made of paper where you cannot role.

Then one day to my shock a pair of hands refused to take me. This kept repeating several times in matter of few weeks and after that I ended in another small Hundi. Soon i heard similar stories from all my cousins and also from my big brother 50 paise coin. I saw that we had not moved many hands unlike before.

I decided this was the best time to see world on my own and jumped out. No one chased me this time. After rolling for some time I was tired and I decided to sleep. I kept seeing darkness for a long time and I waiting patiently for many many days.

Yesterday a kid picked me and woke me from my looonnnng slumber. And a lady even clicked a few photos. Guess I am becoming all important again :)))).

Religion - A belief

During my childhood days, visits to temple were far and few. We had a small அரசமரதடி பிள்ளையார் ( ganesha under the peepal tree ) next to our house. There were lot of stories as to who put up the idol there, with claims between my family and our neighbor. There were no priest and no daily rituals. So the interaction between me and God was very personal. No brokers in between. So my prayers were either at home in the Pooja room or under the peepal tree.

Ofcourse studying in convent had its own effect and my mind was constantly looking out for help during the trying exam times from the single Christian God and the umpteen Hindu gods. Slowly God meant something that neither religion portrayed. I do, do my daily pooja at home and once in a blue moon visit temples but my relationship with God has remained the same.

When I go to our Mutt I find the customs amusing. Men not to wear shirts and ofcourse ladies cant enter temple during ....while what ever a religion may preach, at the end of the day I guess Religion is a belief and God lives within us. If we pause & listen to him/her we can lead a life with less vanity.

Bully

I had not heard this word during student days and studying in a girls convent school might have protected me from the bullies. But, Last 5 years at work and socially as the peck order had settled, it had become increasingly difficult to create my own space. I think one of the big reasons for leaving both my previous employers was also that I started feeling constrained and being pushed around. Not respected for what I did and others taking "undue" advantage of who I was, was a really huge problem. As I settled in this new role there has been many compromises...but one thing that myself and my partner have felt in common is not letting others to bully us or take undue advatage, it has been highly liberating. But, I still want to know how to survive in the corporate world without feeling obliged to say yes..and not feeling pushed around or bullied.

LalBagh Green Express

After a long time, I decided I need to let loose and relax. I needed to get out of my house badly. Everyday is a nightmare for me these days. Morning, tiff with my cook & maid. Then yelling at aadi or mahesha or my grandma. The falling Sensex scare. Damn it, I chose a really wrong time to quit a regular income job. With things not going my way at work, stress has become too much for me and my family.

I had a perfect opportunity to get out of the house today, thanks to some kids B'day party. After the good lunch, Mahesha suggested we go to Gopalan Mall. Since i was not ready to get into another cycle of depression as I forgot my cc at home, I said no to Gopalan Mall and we went to Lalbagh, the dream destination of r1. As we entered the gardens, I saw a nice green house kind of place and a golf cart. I checked and it was a tour around lalbagh for 100 rupees per head for adults and 50 per kid.

I asked Mahesha if he was ok to spend 250 rupees and he readily agreed. We got onto to the golf cart and they took us around the garden for about half hour (The promise was 45 minutes - since no phiranghees were there, I am sure they made our trip short and sweet). I loved the trip. It was the first time I saw the whole of Lalbagh. I never knew there was a lake in there. The rain made the trip even better. Finally, we shopped a Tulsi for my self and aadi got his next pet, a cactus plant (hoping it will be low maintenance, with all the fish dead as of last week, I needed a more easy to maintain pet . 5 அறிவு ஜீவன் to ஓர் அறிவு ஜீவன்...Donno if this is progress).

After the good ride at Lalbagh I continued my retail therapy at Crossword. Picked up 3 books for myself and couple of books and other stuff for aadi. Ended the day at office, picking my personal stuff. Dint hurt much.

The sad thing is I know what I don't want to do. But, donno what to do. what I want to do is verrrry expensive...so what should I be doing ????? May be just get practical and get back to a 9 to 6 job. Hmmm with the slump, even that seems to be difficult.

circles and squares

As a kid I hated taken a beaten path. My father was posted outside India and he was visiting us on his annual vacation. I remember having a long chat with him on why we are expected to lead a life just like our parents or their parents? Why confine to the same squares and circles? why not do something different?

I was having a passionate discussion, but I dint know I was about to get a new nick name - circles and squares. The whole conversation was never appreciated by anyone. I never got any support to adopt unconventional path in my life.

After many years I am feeling the same today. Taking a less trodden path would mean a new scenery but at its own risk..its own cost. Very few dare to do it in their lives. hmmm...another long day..another day filled with question marks....

Navarathri

The last nine days had been a roller coaster. My desire to balance home and work spoilt my whole vacation. Like every year, this year also I had kept dolls as part of Navarathri. But, I got carried away and agreed for an engagement on 6th, 7th anf 8th. Since I had to go all the way to white field I couldn't do pooja to my heart's content. First 3 days I was unable to do pooja for some personal reasons, next 3 days I had to prepare for the engagement and last 3 days was spent away from home. Net net no fun during the holiday season.

Now, that Rita is back from vacation...the big qn on what next is starring at me like a boodham (ghost). As the inevitable is coming closer, I am looking at my options and Rita's options. hmmm. Why do we lack patience? Why instant gratification is the only way? Why cant we risk a little to gain a lot? o m g my mind is full of qns, but no answers.

Where is the void?

As a kid living in a remote village meant very few guests. In a year we would just get one or two visitors. Every time when someone visits us lot of prep would happen, we would get our behaviour trainings, dos and donts in advance, just like a client visiting the project team ! I would look forward to the gifts I may be getting and also we would get to stay awake late as there will be lot of catching up happening. Unfortunately, all visitors were the grown ups and no kids!! But still having a gust was always special and I loved it. One thing that I hated was when the guest would leave. It always meant a great void in my heart! Especially when our uncle would visit us from Chittoor.

Now, living in the city means better accessibility. But, being a working couple meant we cant be reached on working days! Getting a guest now also means a lot of prep. Ensuring that all groceries are stocked. Fragile items are removed from kids reach. Telling the cook in advance, so we can have sufficient food in time. Buying right gifts etc etc.

One thing that I miss is the void I used to feel as a kid when the guests leave. Now I have no time to even think of how well the stay went. i have to hop on to my next to do...Wonder if it was same for my parents?

Perceptions - Window to our world

On Friday we had a party, I had to leave early from the party. So I decided to catch up on whatever I had missed. I called 3 different people, and got three different views on the same set of happenings. I was sure if I had stayed back, I would have had my own view on what happened at the party. This triggered my thoughts in the direction of what perceptions are all about. Someone had asked me if Perception Management can be taught. Since I knew all 3 persons with whom I spoke, I could filter the information and make my own conclusions, which of course is my perception. Well ,if I had not known them, I would have used some experience from past to make my own conclusion.

So, is it possible to teach Perception Management? We can only act based on our experience or well known experience. I guess Perception Management will be based on the most well known experiences and cultural know-hows. Will that be sufficient in managing all stake holder perceptions at work place? This is going to be my next pet subject to research on :).

Arms length business

One of my friends often use this term...Do business at arms length. I guess it comes naturally for men, and very difficult for us. The last three days was one such episode. Very stressful, as I was totally involved in my work and wanted everyone to have a good deal.

But, on the other hand some one scoring 97% in their exam made me feel more than satisfied. A arms length business will neither make me so happy or stressful. I prefer to put my heart and soul into whatever I do and enjoy the outcome, than be a saint!

My longest weekend

The next 3 days is going to be my longest weekend. This is going to be tougher than the Lexington days! I donno why I get attracted to unnecessary stress :). I hope to survive the weekend and write all about it.

Martians

One of the books I enjoyed reading was Men are from Mars ....John Gray has done a very good job and I am sure there has been tons of appreciation for the book. Even after so much research and well written books, communication remains key problem between the two sexes. The bigger problem I find is , as we grow older, we are "expected" to get wiser. Hence better at communication with others.

Well, in my case it just seem to get tougher. Both at home and at work. why do the Martians talk in a language we Venusians cant understand and of course why cant they appreciate what we have to say :(. May be building a translator will make a good business.

I find this ad really interesting http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjjB9U9YxJg

Dejavu

Since my childhood I have experienced this strange feeling at various times. Been there done this. Some times it just a fleeting moment, but sometimes it a whole event. It is almost always been like a recollection, but a few times I would even know what next. It scares me when this happens. The latest was two days back, when I was trying to serve dinner to my grandma and I knew exactly what conversation was to happen and I knew not just the conversation but the whole environment. The rain, my sons parallel conversation etc.

As a kid I remember my father taking about multi dimensional world. He would tell us that there were more than the known three dimensional world. He said, we lived in an universe of multi dimension. There were worlds that were in various time and space dimension that co-existed.

So basically, there were other humans in another earth and another time point but living in our co-ordinates but in a different dimension. At any point in time there may be humans passing through us and we never felt it, because they were in different dimension.

I found this piece of information very exiting. I would go around imagining the 'older me' passing through me without realising my presence :). Imagine we had such dimensions and there is information leak happening between such dimensions..we can always have Dejavu.

If such information leaks are possible then may be ....may be we can travel between those multi dimensions...do time travel...correct some historical mistakes....there are so many possibilities.

But, I checked the websites and the Dejavu has been attributed to simple things like fault in memory storage (Short term vs Long term) or sensory delay between the two eyes etc.

I would love to believe in the stories my father told, than those memory issues which makes me feel like my dump PC.

revival of reading...

The first fiction that I read was Pride and Prejudice when I was doing my graduation. Till then either I dint have access to books or no time to read anything, other than school books. Till date this book has remained my favourite. I liked the Indian version movie with Ash.. just for the reason that it was a lift off from PnP.

During my PG days Di introduced me to lending library ( a concept I never knew existed..hmm real frog in the village well). The toughest read was fountain head by Ayn Rand. I could not relate with the ideas and feelings expressed by the protagonist. I attempted reading the book several times and kept the book for almost a month and couldn't do much...except the rental library started sending me postcards reminding that the book was overdue. I finally gave up.

The other book that caught my attention was Picture This by Joseph Heller, yes this is the same author who wrote the famous catch 22. I couldn't complete the book for some reason, but I want to read it some day...I was so impressed with the little I read, I bought catch 22 when I saw it in a Mysore Book shop. Unfortunately it is one of those long list of books that I have bought but yet to read.

Mahesha and me share the passion for books. I wish I pursue this hobby more aggressively than today. Of late there has been severe power cuts in B'lore. It meant one good thing, no TV for time pass, so I have gone back to books and finished two books recently. Both are fictions, and I enjoyed thoroughly. Deception point, though unrealistic, it was quite engaging. Stone Cold by David Baldacci was the other book, similar book, not realistic but engaging. I usually like narration which has parallel tracks that merge at the end of a book.

I am hoping I can pull & start reading those 'many books' that I have collected and never read.

Power Cuts

Last evening brought me some sweet memories from childhood. We had almost a 3 hour long power cut, our inverter is not working so I had spend the time in candle lights and with the single emergency light. I remembered how we used to enjoy power cuts when I used to stay in our village.

The earliest memory is how amma used to light up the kerosene lamp and some times the lantern, which I used every year in my school drama as a shepherd who visited Jesus when he was born. I guess these will be some sort of antique pieces today.

I used to love the smell of the soot. Cleaning that soot used to be quite interesting. amma would ask us to use the rangoli powder for the cleaning the glass shade. But still there will be not a single scratch on the glass shade, and would sparkle. I used love it when the glass was put back in the slot. A perfect fit.

Power cuts would be a major problem during the school exams and we used to study with those lamps and I always felt good when I scored well in those papers. I guess candles were expensive or may be it was not freely available in our village, so it used to be just these lamps. Having these kerosene lamps were luxury too, as I remember our tenants and neighbors would use a empty medicine bottle and put some old cloth for a wick through the lid and use it for a lamp. Of course it was not fuel efficient with excess smoke and one cant raise the wick as it burns.

But power cuts were always interesting as the neighbors would all come to our house and we would sit outside in the "thinnai'. Play word games, talk about the last movie we saw in detail. Count the stars. Enjoy the summer breeze. All in all I would regret when the power came back, as everyone would go back to their homes.

But slowly things did change in our village and we got the first TV in our neighborhood. So Sundays meant having atleast couple of dozen people from the near and far neighborhood descending to our house to watch the Sunday Tamil movie. It used to be a mini mela. My sister cursing the TV as she cant prepare of the board exams and power cut was a blessing for her.

But then there were days when all of us wanted to watch the movie and a fault on friday evening near our house meant no one would attend it till Monday. No way to raise a complaint as we didn't have phones and we had to walk about 4 kms to the electricity office. Me and my friend were desperate to see that week movie and we did walk down to the EB office on one such Saturday, but the lineman simply refused to attend the problem till Monday. We were heart broken, as we missed the weekly movie.

Things were no better when we moved to Madras in the early 90s. It just got worse. Power cut meant no fans, which never bothered me in our village. It was worse with the mosquitoes singing into our ears and hurting us by biting for our anemic blood.

Today life is relatively better, with inverters, power cut is not something my son feels much about. But, still there are villages whch have 12 hours powercut during summer or even no power.

And life goes on, I found this site http://www.thrive.in/index.htm with some intresting actions happening, in case you want to help.